Category Archives: Wheezys Wit

Insights, and info from wheezy

Types of Trick-or-Treaters the World Can Do Without

SCREAMERS! Do not force your sobbing child to ring doorbells.  Trick or Treat is supposed to be fun.  Call it a night and take your crying kid home.  Take pride in the fact that you are raising a child who  hates going up to unfamiliar homes and asking strangers for candy! That’s something we hope kids DON’T DO the other 364 days a year.

THUGS!  If you’ve caused trouble in the neighborhood, don’t expect a bag full of goodies on Halloween. You play tricks?  YOU G NO TREATS!Keep Yearning for Learning!

2 TIMERS!  Teach your kids that its rude to double back around the neighbood for seconds!

GRANDPAS! Do you know the difference between a trick-or-treater and a solicitor?  A voter registration card!  If you are old enough to vote on Tuesday, then you are old enough to buy your own dang candy!  No solicitors!

PROSTITOTS!  Just because they make a sexy nurse costume in your child’s size doesn’t mean you have to buy it!  Parents, please say, “NO WAY” to the dirty Dorothy of Oz costumes.  Refuse to pay your hard-earned money to turn your daughter into the street-walker version of Strawberry shortcake!

Trick-or-Treaters My Mom Can’t Stand

My mom, Wheezy,  has always been a stickler for manners.  You could probably say the same for most teachers, past or present.  When it comes to Halloween, she’s got some strong ideas about what is NOT acceptable on Beggars’ Night.  Here are just a few:

SCREAMERS! Do not force your sobbing child to ring doorbells. Trick or Treat is supposed to be fun. Call it a night and take your crying kid home. Take pride in the fact that you are raising a child who hates going up to unfamiliar homes and asking strangers for candy! That’s something we hope our kids DON’T DO the other 364 days a year.

THUGS! If you’ve been causing trouble in the neighborhood keep your behind at home. You play tricks? YOU GET NO TREATS!

2 TIMERS! Teach your kids that its rude to double back around the neighbood for seconds!

GRANDPAS! Do you know the difference between a trick-or-treater and a solicitor? A voter registration card! If you are old enough to vote on Tuesday, then you are old enough to buy your own dang candy! No solicitors!

PROSTITOTS! Just because they make a sexy nurse costume in your child’s size doesn’t mean you have to buy it! Parents, please say, “NO WAY” to the dirty Dorothy of Oz costumes. Refuse to pay your hard-earned money to turn your daughter into the street-walker version of Strawberry shortcake!

That adorable or kooky costume can pay off for the whole family!  Send your Halloween pictures to the Matt and Ramona Kids Costume Contest at www.mattandramona.com

Football Superfan Quiz

Today we have a quiz to determine if you’re the worst kind of football fan. Give yourself one point for every NO answer

1. Do you hog food at tailgates?

2. Do you give up on the game the minute your team falls behind?

3. Do you distract other fans with your amateur color commentary while they’re trying to enjoy the game?

4. Have you ever been ejected or arrested at a game?

5. Have you ever boo’d your own team?

6. Have you relieved yourself somewhere other than a restroom at a tailgate.

7. Do you brag about your basketball team during football season? I’m talking to you North Carolina fans!

8. Have you ever burned a couch or overturned a car after a big win? Subtract one point for every thing you’ve destroyed

9. Do you act like a jerk to your family and friends just because your team lost?

10. Have you ever caused another fan to be late for or miss part of a game?

8-to-10 points means your team is lucky to have you as a fan

5-7 points means you are probably somewhat annoying on game day

1-4 points means we all wish you were a SOCCER fan instead!